Tag Archives: Life

I love you

I have now been blogging for a month! To celebrate, I hereby give you one of my most ‘wacky’ meetings with spirituality, but also one of my absolutely most important ones.
I love telling this story to people who know me well, as they always end up laughing several times through it and yet they actually get the point once I reach the end. Hopefully you will do the same.

In my early twenties I was severely heartbroken. To a degree where I actually think I went a bit crazy for a little while. You see, I had built my life around a boyfriend and truly believed we would get married, have children and all of the things connected to that picture. It started out as a beautiful love story. The kind where you’re so much in love that you can hardly breathe. I specifically remember telling my mother about him (about a week in), while spreading my arms out and float-flying around the kitchen in my childhood home. I was struck. Big time. And, to my big surprise, so was he.

As you have probably figured out by now our love didn’t last forever. One day I came home from college and there he was, on the couch, pretty much in the same spot I had left him during our morning fight. He was crying and, bless him, he had tried to paint his feelings in order for me to understand exactly what was going on inside him. Bottom line was that he wasn’t ready for all of it and I was – he felt trapped. Looking back, I really can’t blame him. I was so incredibly dependent on him that I have to say I’m quite impressed he didn’t leave sooner. I actually planned my week according to his schedule. Yes, it was that bad.

Nevertheless, he left me, and my life froze completely. Nothing functioned and I spent most of my time crying and wondering whether life was really worth living. With time though I did become rather good at socialising and partying especially, but when I was alone I was devastated and life made no sense to me. I remember I actually found partying to be a great escape from it all, right till the next morning when my feelings caught up with me and the hangover somehow made everything even worse. I lost a lot of weight, smoked way to many cigarettes and I was miserable!

One day a friend of mine told me about a man she knew called Dan. A healer. This was the first time I heard of one such and I found the whole thing fascinating (also, I had no better idea as to how I was to leave my own pity party). Apparently this guy had just opened up a place close to where I lived – an event space / studio / healer spot (oh yes, many hats) and my friend had been hired to play the piano at a Christian Healing Ceremony that was to take place in the large event space (as she’s an Atheist, I’m still not quite sure what that was all about).  She asked whether I’d like to come along that night, so I could meet Dan and speak to him about potential healing. Besides, she wasn’t really sure what she had gotten herself involved in so as I had nothing better to do I decided to be a good friend and off we went.

It was Wednesday evening and we laughed all the way there, prepared for a whole lot of ‘Hallelujah’ and talk of God (can I just say that none of us have anything against religion, I’m just not particularly religious myself and my friend is, as mentioned, an Atheist). However, I swear, nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to experience…

The Christian Healing Ceremony itself was surreal to say the least. I have no doubt, that if this is your thing, these ladies would be your heroes. However, as Dan’s huge event space was completely new the Healing Ceremony was the first of its kind and the audience was very limited. As in, we were 4 people in the audience. 2 of them were Dan and me, who weren’t supposed to be there in the first place – the other two were a couple of siblings who had apparently both experienced quite severe drama in their lives recently. To say that the place felt rather empty would be an understatement, but they went ahead with it anyway and the siblings took turns going to the stage to receive healing. Yes, there was quite a lot of Hallelujah going on, and I just sat there, stunned and unsure of what I was seeing.
Towards the end of the ceremony one of the healers turned to me and asked me whether I wanted to receive healing. She specifically said ‘I know you’re reluctant, and that’s completely ok. However, you need it and would be doing yourself a favour’. Aha. Right. Well, what did I have to lose?  If you’re in doubt – say yes, right? So I went up there. Besides, saying no would have been rude at this point.
The very nice lady asked me whether I believed in Jesus. ‘Uhm… Undecided’, I replied. I could hardly tell her that I was only there to meet Dan now, could I? She told me that Jesus loved me anyway and that he was there for me. This is the last of our conversation I remember. Suddenly tears were streaming down my face and I felt weightless. My legs seemed to somewhat dissapear beneath me and I sort of blacked out (although, as it turns out, I was standing straight all along). The whole thing felt like it lasted a matter of seconds, but it definitely lasted a lot longer than that.
I eventually turned around to walk back to my seat only to find that Dan stood right behind me! For some reason, this seemed natural at the time, but as he wasn’t part of the ‘show’ he really had no business on that stage. He told me later, that he could tell that the other healer needed help up there. That he had never seen so much negative energy escape a person before and so he had run up on stage to help her remove it. Alrighty then.

So, this was my first healing experience. My second healing experience came to me the same night, straight after the first one. The healer in question this time was Dan. It was rather late (10pm) yet he asked me whether I would like to have a session immediately – and so I followed him to his healer room and we had a chat. The next thing I know I’m crying like a baby on his healer table while struggling to say the following words to myself: ‘I love you, Katrine’. I just couldn’t get the words out. I tried and tried, but something was blocked.

Here’s a little background info for you: All through my childhood I was reminded daily that I wasn’t good enough. I was constantly criticized and never completely accepted in my home, which I guess taught me to look for love everywhere else but within (something I have forgiven a long time ago, but these were the facts I was faced with and the challenges I needed to overcome). I was always sad and cried a lot – until I found my freedom outside the house. When I was with friends it all seemed easier. My friends became family. Generally speaking I was a peoples person, and I found myself ‘there’ for pretty much anyone whenever needed. I could easily relate to pain, and I felt love and acceptance when I was helping them. Basically, I lived for everybody but myself. I was a people pleaser and did everything in my power to make my surroundings like me. So, when my rock-star of a first real love left me I felt absolutely worthless. I was 22 years old and hated my own guts. Everything I had been told during my childhood had come true – of course he didn’t want me! I believed I would never ever be happy again and I was literally unable to say those three basic and ever so important words to myself; ‘I love you’.

see your worth

Back to the story: The healing session was over and I found myself on my bike heading home a little past midnight. Copenhagen was silent and I was alone in the darkness. I had spent 2 hours on Dan’s healing table and the only thing I could remember from this session was the fact that I had cried from start to finish and was unable to say ‘I love you, Katrine’.
I could hardly recognise myself in the mirror when I came home. My face was swollen, my eyes were red and puffy – I looked awful. And I didn’t care. I went straight to bed and fell asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

Next day, Thursday, I was a complete zombie. I felt like I was surrounded by fog and that I was moving in slow motion. I went to classes and spoke to people, but when I came home I didn’t remember a thing. My body was heavy, exhausted and completely drained. I have no recollection of what else happened that day, apart from this; I repeated Dan’s ‘I love you’ exercise right before I went to bed. I had promised him to do so every night before I fell asleep and he had promised me that I would be able to complete it one day.

Friday I woke up in a better mood than I had ever in my life experienced before. I was high! I was flying! Huge amounts of weight had been lifted off my shoulders and life was smiling at me. I remember standing on the balcony in the sun, breathing deeply with a huge smile on my face. I was on my way – I would get there one day. I was learning to love myself.
Believe me when I say, that this was the beginning of a true and amazing love story. My own love story. A love story that no one can mess with and a love story I continue to work on every single day.

The thing about life is that the only person you know will always be with you is yourself. Some people find this fact sad, others find it reassuring. Regardless, this means that the one place you should always be able to find love is from within yourself.
We all need love – no matter what we’ve been through. So, if you haven’t done this already, how about starting up your own gorgeous love story right now? Dan’s recipe can be found below, but feel free to create your own or see a healer, a therapist or anyone else who will be able to help you find your way.

The recipe for Dan’s ‘I love you’ exercise (min. 30 minutes required):

  1. Get comfortable. Lie on a bed, a couch, the floor – you decide. What’s important is that you’re on your back and not bothered by any sounds or things around you. Close your eyes. Place your right hand on your belly – solar plexus, to be precise. Place your left hand over your heart. Relax.
  2. Take deep, slow breaths and let your body get heavy. Concentrate on one body part at a time; Relax your toes (one at a time), your heels, your feet, your ankles, your calves, your knees, your thighs, your abdomen, your hips, your belly, your chest, your shoulders, your upper arms, your elbows, your lower arms, your palms, your fingers (one at a time), your neck, your jaw, your lips, your nose, your cheeks, your eyes, your forehead, your ears, your scalp.
  3. Now, imagine that you are standing inside your head. That you are standing right behind your forehead waiting for an elevator to arrive. It’s up to you to decide what you are wearing and what the elevator looks like. What’s important here is that you wait for the elevator – it will get to you eventually.
  4. Once the elevator reaches you, step inside and push ‘down’. Now imagine how this elevator slides down your forehead, your nose, your lips, your chin, your neck, your collarbone, your chest, and eventually stops at your heart.
  5. Once you reach your heart the elevator doors will open and you can step out. Look at your heart; see it beating – so beautiful and full of life. Now, in your own time, say ‘I love you (your name)’. Repeat. Tell yourself again and again, till you feel you have truly understood the message. Hug your heart if you like – nurture it.
  6. When you’re ready, step back into the elevator, let the doors close and push ‘up’. Now feel how you’re journey back to your head takes you via your chest, your collarbone, your neck, your chin, your lips, your nose and eventually stops in your head.
  7. Step out of the elevator and let yourself slowly come back to your senses.

I was instructed to do this exercise right before I fell asleep each night, but if you find there’s a better time during the day for you to do this, go for it.

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Life lessons in disguise

During my first session with Lis (not sure who Lis is? Read about her here), she asked me what the meaning of my life was. Just like that. ‘What’s the meaning of your life, Kat – Why are you here?’ What does one answer to a question like that? I remember thinking something along the lines of ‘Let’s be frank, if I could answer that question easily, I’m quite sure all the hard working philosophers of all times would get pretty annoyed.’ However, striving to be the good student in this ‘the school of life’, I obviously gave it a shot; ‘Uhm.. To help others?’
Lis smiled; ‘No. Just like the rest of us, you are here to learn.’ Simple. After several sessions I realised what she was trying to tell me with this:

Have you ever noticed how you’re constantly faced with the same challenges again and again? The setting and the people might change, but the actual challenge is the same?

A typical scenario would be dating the wrong people / being in the wrong relationship: Always chasing? Never being chased? Or slightly claustrophobic due to constant phone calls from this person?
How about work? Constantly in a role where someone is being nasty to you? Or do you find you hate waking up to go there in the first place (and are you feeling like this about your fifth job in a row now)?
Always in conflicts with your friends? Never lose the weight you were hoping to get rid of? Do your kids / partner / friends not respect a ‘no’?

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Especially during my early / mid 20’s I found myself pretty much chasing every date I had. Truth be told I did have a few dates where the guy ended up chasing me (even worse), but most of the time I did the chasing. It wasn’t because I necessarily believed this was the man I would marry – I just wanted the chance to find out whether he could be.

Most of my friends were in steady relationships during these years, moving in with their partners, having children, tying the knot and I was just never part of that scenario. I was always quite a few steps behind; single, confused and often heartbroken. I blamed the men for being ‘bad guys’, my parents for being divorced and thus not being proper role models, my friends for not being supportive – you name it. I played the part of the victim, that’s for sure. Thinking back, I really don’t miss my 20’s (although they were a lot of fun too) – but they were so incredibly necessary. I learnt so many lessons during these years, and this was definitely one of them. You see, I was always, generally speaking, focused on what everyone else was doing. It never occurred to me that I should rather focus on myself.

When dating it was all about the men; How great they were, how interesting, how beautiful, how talented, how mysterious. I would find something that fascinated me and then I would obsess about it! It would consume me completely. And, basically, I would end up scaring them off.
The worst part was that I, at some point down the line, became fully aware of the fact that I was pushing them away, but I just couldn’t control my obsession. I would even start ‘playing the game’ by deliberately not calling them (obviously hoping this would make them call me) – but I would still think of them 24/7. I would plan our future in my mind and imagine what our babies would look like (ok, I might not go that far, but you get the picture). Here’s the deal: Relationships don’t only work physically, they also very much work on a mental level. Energies reveal so much more than one would think. Bad luck 20-something Kat.
The men I was obsessed about were not stupid. I could play any game I wanted – they very well knew that I was still around. It wasn’t till I literally gave up (or met someone new I could obsess about) that they would give me a call or send a text – and at this point I would either not care any longer or the whole nightmare would start over. (I have actually created a theory about this, which I’ll write a post about later on, so stay tuned here on facebook, twitter or instagram.)
Looking back it was the same painful experience again and again. I so obviously had something to learn.

It wasn’t till I started focusing on my own well being that things changed. I started working out, quit smoking, found the right course at university, got a few really interesting internships that took up all my attention, got a job with an employer that was no less than amazing and found a genuine interest in eating healthy. Now, all of this didn’t mean everything magically fell into place over night, but I was on the right track and, most importantly, I put myself first. Finally.

So, if you’re finding that you’re constantly faced with the same challenges, there’s definitely a lesson in there for you somewhere. Search and you will find. Scary boss? Is it time for you to stand up for yourself? Maybe your job description isn’t right for you? Would you be better off having more responsibility? Constantly chasing others? Maybe it’s time you put all that attention on yourself instead? Not losing the weight you need to lose? Are you truly doing everything you can?

In the end, most of these scenarios are triggered if you don’t have enough self-love (there’s a reason why clichés become clichés). Maybe you were never taught how to love yourself. Maybe your role models weren’t the best they could have been in your eyes. Maybe your thoughts are mainly negative (in which case read this). Regardless of the excuse you come up with for this one, the good news is that your life is yours. The future is now. Don’t get hung up on the past. Take what you can from it and change it so you can live the life you want to live. Maybe try this exercise for starters? You are the only one responsible from here on – so take this responsibility seriously and do something about it.

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Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn

Surely I don’t believe that? Oh, but I do. It’s another way of saying there is always good to be found in all situations.

When an athlete plays football and the team doesn’t win, what does the coach do?  You can be perfectly sure the coach will have analysed everything for the next time the players are back in the field – making sure what was once a weakness becomes a strength. The coach will strive to make his / her athletes better at their game and eventually make them go as far as they possibly can go.

Obviously we don’t all have a coach by our side in everything we do, but why would this scenario be any different in general life, love or work? When something doesn’t work out as you had planned it’s time to analyse and get back in that field with a new and better strategy based on your learnings. Be your own coach!

There’s no such thing as losing. Your partner left you? Give it a little time and you’ll probably find that this person did you a massive favour. You got fired? Chances are the job wasn’t right for you – something better is out there. Didn’t get the pay raise? Now you know your current approach doesn’t work with your boss. Study the subject and come up with a new and even better approach for next time. Your blind date turned out to not be the one? Get back out there! Didn’t get the house / apartment you were hoping for? Count your blessings! It was probably full of mould – there’s a fantastic place waiting to greet you right around the corner. Every ‘no’ takes you closer to a ‘yes’! Don’t give up!

You either win or you learn. Keep this in mind next time you’re disappointed or beating yourself up for one reason or another. You did the best you could have done – now take home what you have learned and find a new tactic for next time.

never-give-up

You can do it!

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Positivity vs Negativity

As much as I have no doubt most people wish to be happy 24 hours a day, this simply isn’t achievable. It wouldn’t be natural either in my opinion. Imagine being around people who constantly smile, even through the worst tragedies in life – I wouldn’t trust it. Frankly, I would be worried. It doesn’t connect to reality. That said I wouldn’t want to spend too much time with someone who’s constantly negative either.

According to the American Psychology Professor, Barbara Fredrickson (known for her extensive work within positive psychology), living by a positivity ratio of 3:1 is ideal. Basically this means that in order to properly thrive we need to have three heartfelt positive emotional experiences for every devastating negative one. Newer research suggests the ratio to be more along the lines of 7:1, but regardless of which you choose to go with, the bottom line is that you can’t have one without the other.
Personally I believe that going through negative emotions makes us enjoy the positive emotions much more, which I guess would be another way of putting it. What’s important though is, that the positives outnumber the negatives.

During my late teens and early 20’s I was all about the negative. I had lots of fun, but emotionally I saw the glass as half empty and focused on the impossible instead of the possible. The most impressive part of this picture is, that I wasn’t even aware of it – this was simply my perception of life. Sure, I knew I was unhappy (I even told everyone about it too), but I honestly never thought I could feel otherwise. I hoped I could and dreamt about the happy Hollywood ending, but I never truly believed this could happen to me.
It turns out I was far from alone on this one. Shawn Achor, American Happiness Researcher, has found through thorough research that humans are always striving for something better. ‘When I get my dream job I’ll be happy’, ‘As soon as school is finished, I’ll make the money I need, meet the partner of my dreams and life will be a bliss’. However, once we reach these goals, we’ve usually set new ones and we never fully enjoy the process. Focusing on the negative has been and continues to be a challenge in society – we’re simply used to focusing on the negative and are programmed to believe that we need to work hard at it (sometimes for years) in order to achieve any sort of happiness. Apparently as late as 1998 the entire field of psychology focused almost only on the negative. This means that the negative and how to get rid of it has been the dominating approach within the industry till less than 20 years ago! Then came along the President of the American Psychological Association and claimed it was time to shift the traditional approach. It was time to look at what works (i.e. positive psychology) – not just what doesn’t. Maybe we should do the same in our everyday lives?

People who are close to me will confirm that my outlook on life has changed dramatically. I still have bad days like any other, but I will always try to find the positive in why something has happened the way it has. Finding the positives can take a while, but so far I have managed and I sincerely believe that I will keep finding them no matter what happens to me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and that nothing is so bad that it isn’t good for something else. However, this doesn’t mean I walk around with my head in a pink cloud. We need to react when the less positive parts of life show up. We need to go through the motions and process the hurt. Simply ignoring heartache and pain will only make matters worse and one day your body will scream what it has been trying to whisper to you for years. Been there, tried that – it wasn’t pleasant.

The challenge with negativity, I find, is that it tends to be such a natural part of the human mind that most of the time people don’t realise how negative their thoughts are. Let’s test it: When was the last time you thought ‘I hate my job!’ or ‘I wish my relationship was more like my neighbour’s – my partner is such a bore!’. Chances are, you don’t even notice these thoughts any longer. They have become a natural part of your daily routine. The danger here is, that what our minds are full of tend to grow stronger.

So, you find you are in a dull relationship? Focus on it and it will get even worse. Your workplace didn’t turn out to be what you had hoped for? Focus on it and you’ll probably end up having no responsibility what so ever resulting in the fact that your colleagues won’t even notice you’re there.
Now try turning the table. Next time you get to the office, notice the fresh flowers on the table at the reception desk. Who do you think put them there? Why do you think he / she did this? My guess would be the receptionist did it and that this person placed the flowers there in the hope that it would brighten your day (amongst others). I bet if you tell the receptionist you noticed it, you will brighten his / her day right back. And let’s say you really don’t like the job you’re in – maybe it’s time you look for a new one? One where you can make the most of all your passion and talent. One where you’ll wake up daily with a smile on your face because you know your day is full of fantastic, rewarding challenges. I appreciate switching jobs isn’t always as straightforward as it can sound. So you are a banker dreaming of joining the circus? Maybe start by finding an evening or weekend course where you can work on those juggling skills and make sure this is the right switch for you before you go for it full time.
Instead of focusing on your neighbours amazing love life, how about taking matters into your own hands when you come home tonight. Stop your partner in doing whatever he / she is doing, have a hug and seal it with ‘you look great / beautiful’. Who knows, maybe this tiny action will trigger a great story about what happened today or a suggestion that the two of you go out tonight (dressed up and all) – just like you used to.

Changing a thought pattern takes time. Once negativity has become a habit you need to make a conscious effort to change it. Anyone who has ever tried to get rid of a bad habit will know that it takes devotion and you need to be quite stubborn about it. Start by noticing your thoughts in the first place – on the tube, in the shower, while cooking, in the car, on the bike – what are they like? Maybe change one thought a day to begin with. Turn what was negative into a positive and try to notice how your body relaxes when you do so. Sometimes finding the positive can be a challenge, but I’m certain it can be done.
Stuck in the tube with thousands of others? Instead of criticising your fellow commuters in your mind, try this little game: Who’s got the best hair today? Prettiest face? Funky style?

As Shawn Achor’s TEDx talk below will vouch for, if you can train your mind consciously to focus on the positives in life, only more positive will come. Give it a go – what have you got to lose?

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“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

About 5 years ago I met a woman who ended up changing my life by introducing me to her way of thinking. She is an older woman, wise, and – truth be told – quite wacky in her own charming way. Best of all though, she’ s fantastic to talk to.
I came to her because I was stuck in life (we all know that feeling). I was in the wrong relationship (which took me a few more years to figure out), had no idea what I wanted to do with my professional life, felt lost and, in general, I was just unhappy.

Lis, as she is called, came into my life by chance, some would say.  She wouldn’t put it that way. Lis would say we met in between former lives and agreed that this meeting would happen. However, as I am still undecided as to whether that kind of spirituality is something I personally believe in, I choose to believe that we were meant to meet and then I leave it at that.

I had just come back to Copenhagen from an internship in Brazil, was writing my thesis based on the research I had gathered there and took part in a rather dramatic long distance relationship with my boyfriend at the time. I was tired and worn down. I needed someone to be an adult for me. An adultier adult, so to speak.

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One day I bought a deal on one of those deal websites that have become increasingly popular. The deal was for one session of Craniosacral Therapy, which I had heard of, but was rather sceptical about. However, now that it was cheaper, I was ready to try it – and so I did. To be honest I didn’t really feel any difference physically (or mentally for that matter) afterwards, but the craniosacral therapist made a big deal out of speaking before and after the session, so as we sat down after the session she told me that she had never seen an aura as holed as mine was when I first came in the door. She believed I needed someone to talk to – whether I knew anyone? If not, she knew just the right person for me. This person was Lis.

Although this whole aura business was a bit too out there for my liking at the time, I figured I had nothing to lose and so I made it to Lis’s Copenhagen flat about a month later. I slightly feared this meeting, as she had sounded a bit tough on the phone and, to top it all off, I had managed to sign up for no less than three sessions, three days in a row, with this woman (a rule of hers).

I walked into an apartment made up of pastel colours (literally!) and was greeted by a little lady with white hair and a big smile, dressed in – surprise – pastel colours. The energy in her flat was so warm and welcoming that it took me about a minute or two to start opening up. I spent the next three days on her couch crying, laughing and, at one point, even being angry with her for giving me a bit of the ‘tough love’ that I had obviously asked for by being in her flat in the first place. Those three days became the start of a crazy and amazing adventure (I still try to see her when in Copenhagen) and although Lis is still a lot more spiritual than I think I will ever become, she has placed seeds in my heart and soul that have grown and continue to do so. Seeds of gratitude and warmth, of finally understanding who I am, what I am about and, last but not least, she has taught me to trust the process of life.

In this school of life Lis has been (and continues to be) one of my absolute favourite and most important teachers, but she has also made me aware that no one will learn anything unless they are ready for it.
I sent her a loving thought when I recently came across a line that made such perfect sense to me: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
I was ready. True, I had been well on the way for years, reading books and analysing past and present, but I was ready to meet Lis and I am forever grateful for having done so.

Have you got an adultier adult in your life? A mentor? Are you ready to make the necessary changes? Are you ready to become a healthier, happier person? If not – what is holding you back?

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Boxes

Have you ever noticed how your outer and inner states usually reflect each other? I find that it’s especially obvious when entering someone’s home. It’s even obvious to me in my own home.

We all (or, at least, most of us) enjoy when our homes are clean and tidy, but some days there’s just not enough time to keep it up. Some days the kitchen will be a mess and the laundry won’t be sorted – we’ll live. It’s part of life. Other days we find ourselves full of energy and maybe we even enjoy tidying up the living room and doing the bed so it’s ready for the night.

Last summer I sold my lovely, light Copenhagen apartment. It had been my home for 8 years at the time – my sacred haven. During those 8 years I had gone through hangovers, wonders and tragedies within that space and I especially loved returning to the flat every time I had managed to live in a foreign country for a while.
While living abroad I would rent out the flat, usually partly furnished. This meant that I would box up everything I had and left those boxes in the attic and / or basement in the storage rooms that came with the flat.

The last time I returned from being abroad was in August 2012 and I specifically remember having to be careful when opening the door of the attic storage room, as I knew the 12 square meters (about 130 square feet) were stuffed to the rim with boxes and things. The storage room in the basement was pretty much the same story (and the same size).
Back then I wasn’t sure how long I would stay in Copenhagen, so I only took down a few boxes from the attic to begin with. In fact, I ended up living in the flat for 6 months without taking down more than about 6 boxes or so during the time. Then I left for London and everything was boxed up, as I was renting out the flat once more. I never lived in the flat again.

Anyone who has ever lived in London will know that you pay obscene amounts of money for very little living space. My case was no exception. I moved into a room the size of my attic storage space with my two suitcases and this became my home for the next 6 months. Then I met my boyfriend and moved in with him.  Even though we have a little more room now (not much more – after all, it is still London) storage space is severely limited, so every time I buy e.g. a new sweater, I have to throw one away. This has probably been one of the most practical educational experiences I’ve had in London: The less room you have, the less crap you gather. Everyone should try it.

Last summer I had lived in London for a few years and could tell I would stay here for quite a while longer, so I decided to sell the flat. I was, however, in no way prepared for the fact that it sold in three days and the buyer wanted to take over the apartment as fast as possible. What was I going to do with all my stuff? After all, I had two storage rooms packed full of memories! If I were to bring all of my things to London there would be no room for my boyfriend or me in our flat.
I ended up doing the only thing I could do. My boyfriend and I went to Denmark for what was supposed to be a weekend all about my childhood friend’s wedding, and managed to fit in one single day (with a very good friend of mine – thanks Christopher) cleaning out the storage rooms. I got rid of three quarters of my belongings that day and we took the rest of my things to my father’s summerhouse, where it is currently stored till it comes to London in a few weeks.

Three quarters of my belongings. Imagine that. How is that even possible? To be honest, I’m not sure I would have been able to throw and give away as much if my circumstances had been different, but the truth of the matter is that storage in London is so limited and so I had no choice.
Surprisingly it was such a freeing experience to get rid of all those things. I had teddy bears and letters from old boyfriends stored away, old essays from third grade, cd’s (Christopher managed to save some of these), cassette tapes from the early 90’s, records, a broken keyboard, furniture I hadn’t used in years, 4 doors (this came as a surprise to my boyfriend especially), candle holders, clothes, flashlights, kitchenware, books from university – you name it, I had it. And now I’m rid of it and it honestly feels amazing!

In many ways cleaning out my storage rooms felt very much like starting a fresh. I have met the man I want to be with for the rest of my life and I’ve started a fantastic life with him in London. I’ve let go of a lot of things that I had kept close ‘just in case’. Emotional baggage I had held on to in order to not lose the people connected to those memories for good. I let go of the past and while doing so I realised that memories are worth much more when they aren’t connected to physical things.

I feel lighter. Happier. And I don’t miss a single thing I’ve thrown away.

When was the last time you cleaned out your closet, so to speak? Have you got excess boxes and bags stored somewhere? Chances are you don’t even know what’s in them. Maybe it’s time for you to thoroughly go through your belongings and give yourself a fresh start?

I once had a colleague who lived in a three bedroom flat. One of the rooms had belonged to her step son – a person she had loved dearly and who was ‘taken’ from her when she split up with his father. When we worked together she told me she hadn’t used her step son’s room since. It had become storage space and she hardly ever was in there. One day, after seeing a healer, she started cleaning out the room. She threw away boxes, tidied up and turned the room into a study. I still remember how uplifted she was when she came to work and told me about this experience. She felt she had finally let go and that a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

So, the question is – what do you need to get rid of? And what have you got to lose, if you start now? Worst case scenario? See below:

childhoodmoney

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